Confessions of a youth and children's Ministry pastor: The Simple Art of Showing Up!

by Megan Davies, Children's Minister, Cornwall Christian Church

When you think back to your childhood and young adulthood who, aside from your mom and dad, were your favorite and most trusted adults. Who helped shape you into who you are today? For me, it was the ones that showed up when they didn't have to. The ones that showed interest in my interests. The ones that supported me, cheered me on, and encouraged me through every step of life even though they had no obligation to do so. And I'm willing to bet those are your favorite people too.

So often we over complicate youth and children's ministry. We carry the burden of filling young minds with biblical knowledge in hopes that something we say might trigger a life changing commitment to Christ. We hope that as we read through the gospels for the 3rd, 5th, 10th time that the love of Jesus might finally get through to them. That our hours of study and preparation for a lesson will create an “aha” moment, or the new upbeat worship song with cool actions will help them fall in love with church.

The reality is kids and teens do not crave being talked at or forced to love anything. They crave relationships. Now don’t hear me wrong, biblical knowledge, well prepared lessons and good worship music are all vital to a thriving ministry, but without solid relationships they won’t stand up. So what does? Buddy the Elf once said, “the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.”[1]. Spreading Christmas cheer is similar to spreading the gospel. You can’t simply say you have Christmas cheer and hope that will also bring others cheer--you have to show them. Through your joyous singing, whimsical decor, festive attire and excitement for the season, Christmas cheer is spread. The gospel is much the same. How we live our lives will speak so much louder than any sermon ever preached. Jesus said “Come, follow me.” (Mark 1:17; NIV). Paul said, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1; NIV). Now it’s our turn to say follow me as I follow Christ.

In my own experience, showing up has been the biggest contributor to building relationships. Building relationships with the kids and teens I minister to has led to deeper and more honest conversations. As leaders we want to speak truth into the lives of our young ones, but the reality is if we really want them to listen, we need to earn the right to speak into their lives. We need to earn their trust; we need to show them that we care, and we actually have to care deeply. When we show up for them in the little ways they will trust us in the big ways. So what does showing up look like? Showing up for kids and teens is very similar to showing up for adults. Think about your friends, how do you show up for them? You probably spend time together doing your favorite things, you probably eat meals together, and watch movies together, you probably check in with them on a regular basis and know what’s going on in their lives. As adults we intentionally make time to maintain our relationships. When trying to build relationships with kids and teens we need to do the same. They too want your time and attention, and it takes intentionality to make it happen.

Here are 10 practical ways you can show up for your kids and teens:

Be consistent every week. Make a point of acknowledging as many of them as possible at church, whether it’s your week to volunteer or not. Say hi, call them by name, and ask them about something they love. (Video games and sports are usually my go-tos). This will help them to feel seen and cared for.

Go watch their sports games. So many kids are playing a sport of some sort and would love to see a familiar face in the stands cheering them on. This opportunity also allows you the chance to sit with their parents and get to know them too.

Go to the band concerts and choir performances. Again, this opportunity gives you the chance to sit with parents and get to know them.

Attend Graduations. Graduation is a big milestone for any teen and having people in the stands to clap loud and proud when their name is called is something they won’t soon forget.

Take a small group of them out for ice cream. It doesn’t have to be ice cream but getting together outside of the church building allows them to see that you are the same person in every situation and shows them that you’re just a regular person. It’s also a good opportunity to sit and chat about their life, what’s going well, not going well and how you can pray for them.

Text them periodically to check-in

. Ask about how the science test went that you prayed about in Sunday school, or if their anxious feelings are doing better, or if the gecko finally shed its skin (yes, I’ve asked this question), or simply tell them you’re praying for them and hope they have a good day.

Play online games together. The internet can be a scary place, but it seems it isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, and the longer it’s around, the younger the kids are that are getting access to it, so why not be someone safe they can play their games with? This sparks some fun conversations and Fortnite is more fun than you think.

Read the books they’re reading and talk about them together. This one, a youth leader did for me when I was young, and I’ve never forgotten it. She borrowed the books from me and we excitedly talked about them every week and shared excitement when the movies came out. (Yes, the books were the Twilight series and yes, I was a big fan!).

Invite them to your home for a movie night, bonfire, or board games. A bag of chips and a bottle of pop can go a long way. Inviting kids and teens into your home doesn’t need to be complicated but it shows them who you are and how you live your life.

Use the YouVersion Bible app to study God’s word together outside of your weekly gatherings. Encourage your teens to download the app and add each other as friends, bible studies can then happen together anytime and anywhere.

There are, of course, endless ways you can show up for your kids and youth. The important thing is to do it. Instead of just hoping for the kids to share their lives with you, or hoping that they have the perfect “aha” moment, instead of simply speaking the gospel, show them! Invest in their lives by investing in their interests, asking about the things they love, cheering for them every and any way you can, spending time with them and becoming their friend. Most youth are pretty fun to hang out with if you give them the chance. Allow them to see how you live your life following Christ. They will begin to ask questions and they will begin to understand. When you earn the right to speak into their lives they will seek you out for guidance and advice, they will follow your example of following Christ. The biggest impact you can have on any child or teen is simply showing up for them! Show them Jesus through how you love them and point them to Jesus every chance you get.